Family dynamics change dramatically when parents divorce. As everyone adjusts to the new living arrangements and family schedule, conflict is all but inevitable. In some cases, children blame one parent for filing for divorce or moving out of the family home.
Other times, the separation of the parents only exacerbates the tension in a parent-child relationship that was already in a precarious position. Children of all ages, but particularly teenagers, may try to assert themselves when their parents share custody. They may insist that they do not want to spend time with one of their parents.
Can children refuse to comply with a custody order because of the dynamic they have with one parent?
Parents have a responsibility to uphold the order
Children are not truly independent until they become adults. While they are minors, their parents technically have responsibility for them and also authority over them. The right to make decisions about a child’s daily schedule is an important component of parenting.
Parents who are subject to a custody order generally need to ensure that their children comply. The parent who has more parenting time or a stronger relationship with the children may need to explain to them that their wishes do not supersede the family court order.
Unless there is a compelling reason to refuse to spend time with one parent, such as a recent history of abuse or neglect, parents generally need to make every reasonable effort to adhere to the schedule outlined in the custody order.
Even in cases where the child’s preferences may have a basis in legitimate concerns, it is typically necessary to modify the custody order instead of just ignoring it. The parent denied time with their child could potentially go to the courts to ask them to enforce the custody order. Judges might also modify custody orders in response to non-compliance.
In scenarios where there has been some kind of breakdown of the parent-child relationship, developing a reconciliation plan could be an option. The estranged parent could start with short visits and possibly therapy sessions with the child, followed by increasing amounts of time spent together.
The requirement to spend time with both parents during the teen years can potentially provide an opportunity for children to work through the challenges in their familial relationships before they become adults who can make decisions about their socialization.
Parents who understand the rules that apply in contentious custody scenarios can respond appropriately to conflict about parenting time. Upholding a current custody order or modifying it is usually a better option than allowing a child to make their own demands about the situation.
