If the upcoming school year will be the first for your child since you and your spouse separated or divorced, you’ve got a lot on your mind. Even if you have a school year parenting schedule and child support agreement in place, there are other matters that can’t be neglected.
You’ll need to determine how school-related expenses will be divided, work out if and how you’ll share drop-off and pick-up duties and notify the school of your new living arrangements to make sure you both are both notified about grades, parent-teacher meetings, school events and other matters.
It’s also important to make sure your child is prepared to navigate questions about your new family dynamic from classmates, teachers, coaches and other parents. It’s not uncommon for kids to have separated or divorced parents. However, your child could still have to deal with questions and reactions that could upset them or that they don’t know how to handle.
Younger children may not have the language skills to reply to questions or comments – especially from adults. They may also not understand what is a “family only” topic of discussion and what they can share if they want to. Doing some role-playing with them can help. However, don’t assume that an older child doesn’t need some advice as well.
Keeping responses simple and establishing boundaries
Regardless of age, it’s important for kids to know they don’t need to answer every question someone asks them or go into unnecessary detail. Help your kids be prepared with simple statements like, “My parents separated/divorced over the summer, so I live in two different homes now.” If someone has a question about your child’s living arrangement or parental involvement, they can say something like, “We’re still working things out.”
If your child doesn’t want to or know how to answer a question, let them know they every right to say, “Thanks for your interest, but I’m not comfortable discussing it.” Of course, they should always feel free to say, “That’s something you’ll have to ask my mom/dad.” This can be an important lesson in setting boundaries around personal matters.
It may be best if you and your co-parent are both available to help your child navigate what can be uncomfortable questions and comments. If you can remain on amicable terms during and after your divorce, you can potentially better focus on your child’s needs.
